I’ve been going back and forth trying to figure out how to put this one important blog post together. This is a big one for me, for very obvious reasons. However, I’m at an age now where most of my friends are at the same stage as I am, or just starting out and I feel as though this should be done now. I’m not sure why I have been putting it off for so long. My own personal demons I suppose. So here it is, the nitty gritty, the dirt, all the REALNESS.
I often hear people say that they wish that someone would have warned them about what it’s really like to be a parent. Notice how I say “parent” and not mother; this is because mothers & fathers in this day in age carry the same responsibility when it comes to their children – or atleast they should. So this isn’t just for the mothers out there, this is for the dads too!
- SACRIFICE – If you are a new parent, congratulations, you just joined the “I can’t come out to the bar this Wednesday night” club. There are things you used to do so often and without a second thought before a little one came around. You could just pick up and go. Now, you are lucky if you can go to the bathroom without someone screaming for you. Or if you were able to brush your teeth when you woke up this morning; taken a shower that lasted longer than 2 minutes. Actually SLEPT. These days all you want to do is lay on your couch and have the TV to yourself, uninterrupted. I’m not saying this is always the case. It’s like this for atleast the first 3 years of your child’s life. Have plans on Friday night? Oops, here comes Thursday night and your child is throwing up and cranky as shit. Sorry, looks like you are going to have to cancel your plans. If your friends can’t understand that your children will always come before them, then they are not your friends. This leads to my next point.
- PEOPLE COME & GO – Once your priorities change and you are at a different stage of your life than most of your friends, you find yourself drifting. It’s not that you don’t enjoy their company anymore, but you tend to outgrow some of the things you used to do together; and you know what? That’s ok. Eventually, if it’s in their cards, they will get to where you are and they will understand why you just never had the time or energy to do anything. Why you would rather stay home. Some people will get it, they will stick around no matter what because your friendship is worth it. Others unfortunately, don’t. They may never. To tell you the truth, you shouldn’t worry too much about it because guess what? You will meet new people. People who get you. Haven’t spoken to them in a week or 2, or longer but when you do speak you pick up where you left off? That’s amazing and a friendship worth the effort.
- NO PERSONAL SPACE – AT ALL. I’m not complaining because I think it’s the worst thing in the world to have a child cling to you all day, every day; I’m complaining because it’s insanity. No really, it’s like that torture technique where they lay a person down strapped to a wooden slab and have water constantly dripping on their forehead, and eventually it makes that person go mad. Yeah, that’s what it’s like. Now, not a huge amount of people will go through this because these days, they go back to work due to the fact that they can’t afford to be off work to be a stay-at-home parent. For that small population, ya you know who you are: You decided to stay home, and good on you! Or, if you are like me and work from home 98% of the time. You think they are needy at 6 months, 9 months, 12 months old? Wait until they are just hitting the terrible twos, or what I like to call, the horrible threes. It gets worst! And do you know why it gets worst? No really, I’m asking why. I have yet to figure out how this growing child decides to revert back to their baby-like self and need you every minute of every day. They need to make contact with any part of your body just to make sure you are really there. They need to be in your face, make sure you hear them when they have told you for the 40th time in a row that they want to eat strawberries. They climb you like you are Mount Everest, even though there is a perfectly empty seat beside you; they JUST want to sit on you; just because. There are probably moms and grandmas out there that are just thinking to themselves, oh but you are going to miss this! Yeah well guess what, I am going to miss my sanity when it’s gone too. Don’t get me wrong, I love cuddles; but when you haven’t had your body to yourself for 3 years, you feel like a prisoner. Sometimes you hit your breaking point and feel like a piece of shit because you think you just failed as a parent. You feel guilty when you silently, or maybe not so silently say to yourelf you just want to be left alone for a couple of hours. This happens more often than people like to admit. And for the ones that do admit it and do something to change the vicious cycle, GOOD FOR YOU. You can’t fill a cup from an empty pot. For the ones who are in denial, you need to check yourself. I’m going to be brutally honest. You may be this perfect person on social media who is all rainbows and unicorns; but you are breaking on the inside. That shit aint healthy. Now, there are a small amount of people who are geniunely like that, and if you are one of them, I’d like to take a tour of your home and spend a day in the life of you.
- INTIMACY – or lack there of. This is a big one. If you are lucky enough to have a significant other who actually understands you and what you are going through and doesn’t even mention the word SEX, then congratulations, they are just perfect (or not). I’ve got a great husband. Took him years to grow up, but he’s amazing. Does whatever he can to help and yes, completely understands when I’m running on fumes. However, he is human and he’s got needs and sometimes he has to make sure his needs are heard. He doesn’t pick fights with me if he’s feeling neglected, but he complains. Anyone who cares will complain. This is a fact. There is definitely a certain degree in which the complaining should be at though and if they are constantly on your ass, then they need to be WOKE. If you are in a relationship and think it’s easy, then something is wrong. Relationships are NOT easy, even the healthy ones. You have to constantly work at it. Compromise always. Dealing with their bads days, and your bad days. Once you throw kids in the mix, then that’s double or triple of yours and your partner’s personality and that shit is tough. Learning how to be a cohesive family unit is so important. I’m not saying I’m perfect at it, because I’m far from it; but I try, and he tries. We try our best to understand eachother and we actually voice how we feel. Keeping it all bottled up doesn’t help. It’s just a bomb waiting to explode and that is never good and people end up getting hurt. Taking advantage of the people that offer to watch your kids so you guys can have a date night, is super important. DO IT. If you can’t make the time to work on your relationship and would much rather go out with friends instead, then that’s a problem that you need to deal with ASAP. I’m going to drop another truth bomb – once your kids are out of the house and married or whatever it is they choose to do with their adult lives, it’s just you two. And then what? 18+ years of neglect and you suddenly become strangers and don’t know how to act or talk to one another. This is a major reason why a lot of marriages fail once the kids are living their own lives. “It’s all about the children! It’s always about the children!” – NO! It’s not always about your children. That is a major fallacy and you need to get off your damn high horse if you are reading this and thinking it’s true. They will grow up thinking the world revolves around them and get slapped in the face by that same world. After everyone is gone, it’s just you two; the person you started this beautiful adventure with. Yeah, it’s amazing if you are still so close with your kids and you see them once a week, or twice a month, and speak to them every day. But they have their own lives now, and then here you are; strangers in the life you built together. Where do you go from here? This is why communication is important. You guys have 2 hours to yourselves in the evening? Talk, enjoy eachother’s company. Drink some alcohol for crying out loud and get freaky! hahahaha, ok I sound silly now. But you get where I am going with this (hopefully).
Well, I hope you enjoyed this lengthy rant. There is SO much more that can be said; but I felt as though these were the most crucial points.
If you are feeling hopeless, GET HELP. We are in this world for a short period of time, and living life in sorrow, drama, and hating it and everyone in it is a damn waste of a life. We are all so precious and can make a huge impact in people’s lives; why not put in the extra effort to make it a positive one?
The Not-So-Super, Super Mommy